I know what you’re thinking:

But it was still a proud moment for me to be visited by the famous Mr. Hankey, the Christmas Poo years ago, and I was able to snap a photo before he disappeared in a cloud of toilet paper to the sewers below. I’d sent it to the South Park boys but never received a response – never could figure out why.

Anyhoo, Merry Christmas! And here’s some more shits and giggles for ya, some true, some not.

First the true:

Yesterday morning, I took a shit… wait, there’s more. As I was leaving the restroom, I had a spell in the hallway and fell down. When I was able to move again, I told Robin that shit indeed floats, because look what happened when I got rid of mine. *rimshot!*

Now for a fart joke that my mother told me when she showed up today:

Old man passes gas and says, “Seven points.”

His wife rolls over and says, “What in the world was that?”

The old man replied, “It’s fart football.”

A few minutes later, his wife lets one go and says, “Touchdown, tie score.”

After about five minutes, the old man lets another one go and says, “Aha, I’m ahead 14 to 7.”

Not to be outdone, the wife rips out another and says, “Touchdown, tie score.” Five seconds go by and she lets out a squeaker. “Field goal. I lead 17 to 14.”

Now the pressure is on the old man. He refuses to get beaten by a woman, so he strains real hard. Since defeat is totally unacceptable, he gives it everything he’s got, and accidentally shits in the bed.

The wife says, “What the hell was that?”

The old man says, “Half time, switch sides.”